Just Three Words
by tellinpan
Summary: Trying to leave hints of your feelings for him haven't been the easiest. You're ready to leave bigger hints, now that you're going to spend about one week with him, but how much is enough, and how much is too much? You guess you'll have to find out... -DirkJake, following both Dirk's POV and Jake's POV-
1. Chapter 1

**NOTES:**

**Ok, so the grammar might not be the best, I'm sorry for that. But I hope you'll enjoy this fanfic, and if you have suggestions to the story, feel free to help out!**

_**Chapter 1**_

You don't quite remember when you first thought of having Jake as something else than just a friend. Perhaps three years ago, but who would keep track of those things, really. You've tried to give him hints, but god, that guy is really dumb. You like it though, even if it can get annoying some times. But this time, the following weeks, you will give him bigger hints. Perhaps even confess or hell no not yet. But you are going to talk to him, you _are_ going to say something that has to do with... feelings. But right now, he's the one talking. He's talking to you actually. Damn it, you're spacing out again?

"...irk... Dirk. Dirk! Are you even listening?"

You flinch just a little bit as you snap back to reality. Your lips are slightly parted as you look at his somewhat frustrated expression. His freckles are more visible in the summer - a reason to like summers more than winters, even if it's damn hot. You could just look at his face forever, try to count all those small dots, studying his forest green eyes. He sighs when you don't give him any respond.

"Jeez, I'm almost done, and you haven't done anything! Look!" he makes a gesture with one arm towards the two tents next to you.

"Uh, yeah, sorry."

One hand resting on his hip, he hands over the remaining tent pegs with the other hand. You're about to let out a sigh, but you realize that it would sound kind of rude, so you keep quiet. You feel a bit guilty for just sitting there while he alone put up the tents. But on the other hand, they would probably fall apart if you tried to put them up. There's a hammer just a couple of inches away from your foot, but you use your foot to stomp the pegs into the ground instead. It probably looks manlier. You hear him chuckle and you probably look more stupid than handy. But it works. The pegs are in the ground, and the tent stands steady.

"So what's the plan? How are the tents divided? " you ask, raising one eyebrow behind the shades. Jake scratches the back of his head before answering.

"Well, Jane put her bags in that one," he points at one of the tents. "and Roxy immediately threw her bags in there as well, so the ladies share the big tent."

Big tent? They look exactly the same, but... Ah. One is actually bigger than the other. No wonder you didn't notice before, spacing out like means the girls left he smaller tent for you and Jake.

Oh.

You'll probably thank them later. Especially Roxy.

"Where are they?" You realize that it's just you and Jake in the forest glade. No girls.

"Oh, they went to get firewood. Twigs, branches, you know."

"Right."

He's diving down into his enormous backpack, his whole arm is almost disappearing and you start to wonder how big that thing really is. He might even be able to fit a smaller refrigerator in there. He stops and stands up with a satisfied grin.

"Here they are!" he throws you a bag of marshmallows, and you grab it easily in the air.

You remember grilling marshmallows as a kid once, but that was a long time ago. Now you're going to do it with your best friends - and crush. This might be the best summer ever, even if camping in the woods didn't sound like fun at first. You have Jake.

You don't remember being this tired for a very long time. No, you're completely _exhausted_. You've been walking a lot, and that's not something you're used to. Now that you think about it, you should probably start jogging. If you ever had a running competition with Jake, he would probably win. You don't know who's the fastest, but Jake has definitely got the stamina. Though, the thought of Jake winning over you in arm wrestling, or any kind of wrestling is ridiculous, but amusing. You are definitely the strongest.

The sun is about to set, and it starts to get a bit chilly. Damn, you're even starting to get goosebumps. But cold wont bring you down, not now. All four of you are laughing, sitting close to the small fire, eating those surprisingly delicious marshmallows and just having a great time. You have no thoughts of sleeping, despite the fact that you're exhausted.  
...Until you feel a drop of water on your arm. Ignore.

"Oh nooo! Rain!" Jane whimpers.

Fine, don't ignore. All of you look up at the dark sky. No clouds are visible, but it's too dark to see any clouds anyway.

"What time is it anyway?" Roxy splutters.

You're all about to check your cellphones, but you're the fastest and answer with;

"00:56"

Jake puts his arms high above his head, stretching while he lets out a quiet yawn. Yawns are terribly contagious, and soon you're all doing the same. You try your best to hide yours, though. You all agree to pull out your sleeping-bags and get ready for the night. The fire is put out, and the marshmallows, along with other food and sweets are packed down in the backpacks again.

Roxy and Jane says goodnight to you and Jake, and disappears into their tent. Of course they don't have any trouble changing in to pajamas, or whatever they're wearing when they sleep, but you and Jake has to stand outside your tent while changing clothes. He laughs at you when you jerk away from wherever the damn mosquitoes are, buzzing close to your ears. Too bad it's so damn dark. You would enjoy seeing Jake shirtless. Okay, that sounds creepy, but you would lie if you would've said otherwise.

After crawling into the tent, Jake is fast asleep, laying on his side, facing the tent canvas. You aren't sure how you're supposed to lay down comfortably. You don't have much space, and you don't want to be too close to Jake. But... it couldn't hurt, being just a little bit closer. Just a little bit. You carefully move closer, not wanting to wake him up. Closer. You can actually smell his scent now. Not just forest-scent, but Jake-scent. Even closer. Wait, what the fuck are you actually doing you creep. You're close enough to poke your nose into his dark hair, don't move any closer.

You lay perfectly still, almost holding your breath. You inch your head just a tiny bit closer, close your eyes and sigh. Right before you fall asleep, you slowly nuzzle against his neck and smile. You're a real creep.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

**== Jake: Wake up.**

You sigh deeply with a smile on your lips. The morning sun light up the tent, and it takes a while for your eyes to get used to the light, even if it's not very strong. For some reason, your back is much warmer than your arms and the rest of your body. But you don't think much about it, instead you try to wrap your fully opened sleeping-bag tighter around you, but something's stopping it. You tug on it, again trying to wrap it around you. It doesn't move. It's stuck in something. _You_ are stuck in something. With sleepy eyes and a confused expression, you lift your head to get a view of your body and the tent.

There's something around your waist, and that's probably what's stopping you from pulling you sleeping-bag closer. Without much thought of what it can be, wrapped around you, you grab it and try to lift it. But, uhg, you just woke up and it feels like you don't have any strength at all. You sigh and try to roll over onto your back. It's not easy, but it works. Tilting your head slightly to your left, where Dirk is probably still asleep, your forehead bump into something soft and bright. Like Dirk's hair. Another sigh.

Before you're about to poke him, and greet him with something like 'Christ, Dirk, let me have some space too', you notice something. You notice what's been stopping you from wrapping your sleeping-bag closer, what's been holding you down. It's Dirk. His _arm_ is placed around your waist, and _he_ is... Uhm, perhaps a little uncomfortably close. With your hands placed on the ground to support you, you sit up with wide eyes. Your movement made his arm move just a little bit, and it's starting to slide off your waist.

You unzip one of your smaller bags, fumbling for your glasses.

There.

Quickly putting them on, you glance at Dirk. He's glancing back.

"Good morning!" you greet him, maybe a little too fast.

He groans before answering.

"'Morning."

He rolls over, laying on his back, rubbing his eyelids. A yawn escapes him and he sits up, both arms resting in his lap. The thought hits you; did he put his arm around you in his sleep, or did he do it intentionally? You don't think he would do it intentionally, but who knows, really?

The same thought is haunting you for the rest of the day, when you're eating breakfast, taking down the tents, and all the way back to where you guys parked the car.

Other than that, the camping trip was great, and you can't wait to do it again some time.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

You're pretty sure he didn't put his arm around you intentionally. It doesn't sound like something he would do. You're sitting in the back seat of Lalonde's car, glancing - no, sorry - _staring_ at Dirk. You don't realize this until he gives you one of those "what the heck 'you starin' at"-looks. You quickly turn your head around, looking out of the window instead. In the corner of your eye, you can see how he shrugs and leans his head against the car window.

It reminds you of how tired you really are. And the fact that you're supposed to be sleeping.

_"If you boys sleep the first hour on the way back, Roxy and I can sleep the last hour! In that way, we'll have more energy for the sleep-over. I can drive first."_

_"Sounds good to me. I can drive the last part."_

Jane's idea was a good idea, because even if you slept like a child last night, you're still pretty sleepy. And since Dirk is going to drive later, you can probably sleep then too. Hehe. You tilt your head backwards and and lean against the top of the backseat, breathe out and close your eyes. The car's engine is more quiet than most engines, and its easy to relax. And fall asleep.

**== Dirk: Poke Jake's cheek**

What. No, do you even realize how awkward that would be if he's not even asleep? And if he is asleep, you don't want to wake him up. You glance at him one more time, checking if he's asleep or not. His breathing is a bit heavy and his lips are slightly parted, so he's probably sleeping.

...Why do you feel the urge to poke him anyway? Or just... let your fingers brush against his hand. Moving your hand closer to his, you stop halfway to give him another glance, just making sure he's not looking at you or something.

Your fingers are just an inch from his, and then there's a bump in the road. He starts to slide along the seat, towards you. Preventing him from bumping his head into your lap, you quickly grab his shoulder. For a moment you're just sitting there, holding his shoulder, eyes wide. He didn't wake up. You try to push him back to the sitting stand he had before, but he keeps sliding your way. So you think. You think until you get an idea. Maybe not the best, but what are you supposed to do?

You start to lean against him, shoulder to shoulder, head to head. It... works? He's still, and he keeps sleeping. Plus, you're leaning against him._Leaning_ against him. It's comfy as hell, so yeah, it works.

And you too fall asleep.

**== Jake: Wake up the sleeping Strider.**

Yep. Soon. You're just gonna... uh, carefully push him back to a sitting stand. When you first woke up, you immediately thought of last night; Dirk sleeping very close to you. But, then you realized, he wasn't only leaning against you, _you_ were actually leaning against _him_ too. Which is a little weird, and... you don't know what to think of that?

Anyway. You're in a kinda difficult situation here. He is still leaning against your shoulder, and Jane is just about to park the car so that you and Dirk can switch places with them. It would be a little embarrassing if they saw you and Dirk right now. You start to repeatedly nudge his head until he groans and sighs. Other than that, he doesn't move or say anything. You wait a few seconds and then start to nudge his head again. Another groan escapes him.

And then he looks up at you, with the shades on the tip of his nose, making his eyes visible for you. His yellow, amber eyes. For a short moment, which seems like a much longer time, the two of you just stare at each other. Suddenly his eyes are the most interesting thing in the world, and you might even think they're the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen. ...Wait, what?

"Guuuuys! Get out already!"

Both of you flinch when the sound of Roxy's voice reaches you. You unbuckle your belts, get out and take the front seats. What had just happened between the two of you, staring at each other, is forgotten, and you're once again headed to Dirk's place, where the four of you are going to have the next sleep over.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

**Notes: I just thought it might be important to point this out; they all live in the same city. Their homes are pretty much like in the comic, except Jake's. He lives in a house outside town, but they all live pretty close to each other.**

**== Be Dirk**

To your surprise, your apartment is as clean as when you left it. And it took quite some time to clean it, too, since you had no idea where to start. Cleaning isn't something you do very often - you live alone, so why should you? Even your friends are surprised by how clean it is, and you all laugh about it.

Since Jake was the one to plan the hiking, and the one to take care of you and the girls (showing how things are done, fixing the food and such - even if you're pretty sure you could've done most of it by yourself...), and since it's your apartment that's being used for the sleep-over, Jane and Roxy decides to pay you and Jake back. Roxy leaves the apartment to buy groceries for the most epic taco meal ever made, and Jane decides to take over you kitchen, making it ridiculously shiny and clean.

None of the girls wants your or Jake's help, so you start a game of Mariokart. (At least until Jane allows you in to the kitchen, which turned into a forbidden area as soon as she started cleaning in there.) You are not surprised one bit when Roxy returns with not only normal groceries, but different kinds of liquor. You look at Jane and she looks back. Both of you have some kind of 'well some things never change'-expression. But Jake just laughs and says something like; "Well this shall be interesting!"

The groceries are taken to the kitchen, and you, of course, expect that you are supposed to help with most of the dinner. Apparently you are not supposed to do that. Jane chases you out of the kitchen, threatening to stab you with a _spoon_. You're not giving up that easily though. While Roxy takes your place in the Mariokart race, you keep trying to help in the kitchen. You end up joining Jake and Roxy in their competition anyway.

Later, the food is ready, and you all take place in the sofa, eating, watching movies, playing games. And later, of course, drinking whatever Roxy bought earlier. You manage to keep your thoughts away from Jake for quite some time. The time is ticking, and sooner or later you all have to sleep. You wonder if you should offer your bed to one of the girls, or if they would think sleeping in a guy's room would be gross. You don't have to think about it very much though, since they make it comfortable in the living room quite quickly. Roxy choose to sleep on a guest bed, and Jane occupies the sofa with her bed sheets.

Jake jokes and says that "sleeping in the floor without a mattress is just fine", but you're not sure how much of a joke that is. He is _not_ sleeping on just the floor.

You can hear the girls whisper and giggle from the living room. They probably don't know you can hear them. _What _they are talking about is a mystery though. Jake is sleeping on the other side of you room, breathing heavily. (almost snoring...) Apparently it's a little bit too warm for him in your room, because he has almost kicked the blanket off his body, and is now sleeping with it below his waist. You can't help but notice that he's sleeping in only shorts.

He's... perfect. Just perfect. His collarbones are beautifully shaped (no matter how cheesy that sounds, you're going to stick to that description), he's got a slender neck and subtle abs.

You've waited three years. _Three years_. And still, you haven't told him anything. You haven't told him how you feel about him at all. Now that you think about it, Jake haven't been the stupid one. You have. At first, you thought he was a bit stupid because he didn't understand the hints that you left him, but now you realize; you haven't been very obvious at all. No one would notice if you flirted or left hints, because they're so discreet that they can barely be called 'hints' at all. But you left quite a big hint last night, you think, by putting your arm around him when he slept. You really hope it made him think. About you.

You sigh and face-palm.

Why can't you just tell him.  
Why can't you just tell him that you're in love with him.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

**Notes: Thank you so much for all your comments! You have no idea how much it means to me! ;A; And I'm sorry for updating so slowly, I've been sick for almost a week... Oh, and I've noticed a couple of grammar and spelling mistakes in the previous chapters (maybe in this one too?) please ignore those. 3 More dialogues in this chapter, is that good or bad? :|**

**== Jake: Wake up**

You would like to stay in bed, actually, but now that you can smell that wonderful scent of coffee, you might as well get up. How many times have you woken up to the scent of coffee? Not many. And right now, it's the most wonderful thing in the world, just lying there on the mattress, inhaling the scent. You could just stay there for hours, as long as you can smell the coffee. But you really want that coffee. So you should probably move your ass to the kitchen so it wont get cold.

The blanket has tangled itself around your feet, and with a grunt, you kick it off. You're sitting on the edge of the mattress, ready to get up but oh it feels so good to lie down, so you just fall down again, embracing the pillow once more. You close your eyes and relax, not falling asleep but just... hear some one talking. What? Oh, right. Somebody has been talking since you first woke up, you just didn't pay attention to it. It sounds like... Dirk and Jane. They're probably eating breakfast already. That reminds you; what time is it? You don't see any clock in Dirk's room, so you guess it's better to get up. Perhaps everybody else are awake except you.

You slowly get up on your feet, and you're just about to push down the door handle when you remember that perhaps you should be wearing something more than just shorts. You grab the T-shirt you had yesterday and put it on. Don't want the ladies to feel molested by your shirtless appearance, right? You move out the hallway, towards the kitchen, but before you're about to enter it, you stop right outside, listening. You think you just heard one of them say your name? Oh, this is interesting. You feel like a ninja, or a spy on an important mission. In this case; just trying to hear what they're saying about you.

Well, perhaps you're being a bit rude, but you're far to curious to care about that. You really want to hear what they're talking about. You hear your name again and this time you listen more carefully.

...What did he just say?

**== Some moments earlier: be Dirk **

You really enjoy talking to Jane some times. Roxy is normally just babbling about things that you don't really care about, and Jake is... well it's hard to talk normally to him, since the things you tell him aren't what you _want_ to tell him, if that makes any sense. But Jane, her thoughts on things are very interesting and different, and even if you don't always agree with her, your arguments can be really interesting and enjoyable. There's a silent moment between the two of you, and you use it to sip on your coffee, now that you have the chance. Jane is glancing at you from the newspaper in front of her, but she sighs and looks down in it again.

"You know, I've seen the way you look at him."

You freeze with the coffee cup in mid-air, your lips are slightly parted as you stare at her from behind your shades.

"What."

She looks up at you with raised eye brows. "Jake, that is. I've seen how you look at him." Oh fuck. You wait for her to continue, but she never does. You're still holding your cup in front of you, not moving a muscle. None of you breaks the silence. You're just sitting there, not knowing if you're supposed to panic or stay chill, and she keeps reading the newspaper. Finally you decide to say something.

"I think you'll have to explain a bit, Crocker."

She just looks at you with her eye brows high up on her fore head. "Well, if you haven't looked at him like a teenage girl in love, I'll have to apologize for thinking so."

You nearly spit out your coffee which you just started drinking again, and stares at her with a disturbed look. "Excuse me?" She sighs and roll her eyes.

"Dirk, it's okay! It's not like I'm going to tell him. I used to like him too."

You take a moment to think about this whole situation before answering. "Thanks, I guess... You did?"

"Yeah, I got friendzoned, but it's okay, because I got over him pretty quickly. And now I realize that he is the best friend I could have imagined, so I'm glad we didn't end up as a couple."

Jane liked Jake? That doesn't sound too weird, you guess. You're almost about to say 'yeah I'm happy you're not together', but that sounds so stupid so you just shut up.

"You should go for it, though," she continues. You get the feeling she's not gonna let this go. She'll probably start pester you until you actually confess to him or something. Sounds like something she would do. "You look cute as friends so you'll probably look adorable as boyfriends!" And she used the term 'boyfriends', Jesus.

"Yeah, really fucking adorable." You're just gonna continue this conversation like any normal conversation. No need to be embarrassed in front of Crocker. Even if you're talking about you, being together with another guy.

She giggles and takes a sip of her coffee. "How long have you... you know, felt like that?" You really start to relax. It all just feels so natural, like talking to a friend about your crush on a dude is something normal that everybody talks about.

"How long I've had a crush on him, /slash/ been in love with him? Three years, maybe."

"Hm. I got over him about two years ago." She looks at the wall with an expression of thoughts, before she shakes her head and continues to look down in the newspaper. You sigh and look at the roof for no particular reason.

"I thought that maybe I could tell him this week or something..."

She looks at you with somewhat wide eyes and a faint smile. "Hell to the yes, go for it!" You look at her with the corner of your mouth curled upwards. But then you sigh again, looking down into your now empty cup.

"But how do you confess your love for a _dude_?"

"Oh, I'm sure he can handle it. Jake isn't really the kind of guy who would be freaked out because of a confession from some one of the same gender."

"I'm not so sure about that..."

**== Be Jake**

You don't want to make any hastily decision, but you are pretty sure you know what they're talking about. And... as you heard Jane say; you're probably not the guy who would freak out because of something like that, but right now you're just feeling _empty_. You don't know what you're supposed to feel. Freaked out? Flattered? How about confused? Yes, you're mostly confused. So Dirk has (and you're not sure if you want to believe this, because what if you're wrong, that would be so awkward and embarrassing) been in love with you for three years? That's, wow, how can someone even put up with that?

You have lots of questions right now, but the biggest one is; what will you do next? Join them in their breakfast and pretend you didn't hear anything, or oh my god you can hear some one leave the table. You need to think fast, you don't want them to find out you've been standing here all along. You can hear footsteps approaching, and you suddenly decide to go back to bed.

You rush back to Dirk's room, almost feeling chased by the footsteps. You throw yourself quietly onto the mattress (you don't know if it's even possible to do something like that _quietly_, but you just did) and pretend to be asleep. You successfully wrap the blanket around you feet, so it will look like before you woke up, just before some one else is entering the room. Trying to breath a bit more heavily than usual, you feel some one place a hand on you shoulder, shaking it hastily.

"Wake up sleepy-head." That's Dirk's voice. For having a crush on you, he surely doesn't treat you like a crush. You decide to not answer him at once - you want him to believe your asleep of course - but he keeps shaking your shoulder even more hastily, or rocking it back and forth to 'wake you up'.

You groan and rub your eyes with one hand. Keeping your eyes half-closed to look tired, you glance up at him, groaning again before greeting him with a "Good morning".

He smile and you smile back. You can't imagine that there's more than friendship behind that smile. It's all so... unusual, that your absolute best friend wants to be more than just a friend. You need to think about this. Really think about this...


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

When you suddenly remember that the girls won't stay for the rest of the week, you get a little bit nervous. Just a little bit. As much as you want to spend time with Dirk, your thoughts of him changed quite suddenly. But you can only blame yourself for listening to his and Jane's conversation when you weren't supposed to. You and Dirk help them carry their bags down to Roxy's car, and after some more chit-chat you wave them goodbye. In the elevator on the way up to Dirk's apartment, you feel the urge to ask him about his... crush. But you never do.

After a couple of rounds of BattleField 3, both of you agree to get some fresh air. You're just supposed to take a walk, but you end up sight-seeing. You realize that even if you live just outside town, you haven't spent much time in the city at all, so Dirk shows you around. When the two of get tired, you buy soda and sit down on a bench in the nearby park, before you decide to go home.

The day quickly turns into night, and after a day of more games and crazy competitions, you go to bed early to get more energy for tomorrow.

In spite of the fact that you're tired as heck, you don't fall asleep. You take off your T-shirt to get cooled, but it doesn't help much. Twisting and turning, kicking away the blanket, turning the pillow over so that the cold side is up - nothing helps. You wonder if Dirk is sleeping or not... He doesn't make much sound at all, and he doesn't move.

Sigh. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Sleep. Now. Sigh again. Why aren't you falling asleep? This is stupid.

"Jake."

You flinch and holy crap, if you weren't lying down you would have jumped like 4 feet off the ground, you were not prepared for that! Okay, so Dirk is awake too.

"Yeah?" You half-whisper, not wanting to talk with a too loud voice, now that it's so quiet. He doesn't answer. Maybe you just imagined it, you are pretty tired after all. But then you hear him again;

"Jake..."

This time he says it a bit more quietly. Perhaps he didn't hear you when you answered him? But then he kind of... _groans_ you name again, and... Oh dear god, is he talking in his sleep? With wide eyes, you stare into the darkness, towards the corner where Dirk's bed is placed. You can hear his movements in the bed sheets, and then - silence. Everything is quiet, like before.

**== Be the concerned Dirk**

You have no reason not to be concerned. Jake does not look okay. He's pale and he has only taken like, one bite of his sandwich. He's holding a cup of coffee but he hasn't taken a single sip of it. The only thing he's doing is spacing out. You lean forward to get his attention and make eye contact, but he doesn't notice you. Your kitchen floor is the only thing he's looking at. You wave your hand in front of his face.

"Jake? Dude, anyone home?"

He flinches as he snap back to reality, and he looks at you like he's wondering if something's wrong.

"You okay?" you ask.

"Y-yeah..." he stutters as he runs a hand through his hair and finally takes a sip of his coffee. He grimaces as he looks down in the cup, realizing it's not hot anymore. You sigh, crossing your arms. You've finished eating your breakfast, he has nearly touched it. He takes a sip of his coffee again, glancing at you nervously. You stare back. After a long moment of silence, he breaks the silence by clearing his throat.

"So, uh..." You wait for him to continue, but he doesn't. He doesn't say anything else. You're getting tired of his silence.

"Out with it." Perhaps you sounded a bit too frustrated. He bites his lower lip as he looks at you, before he finally continues.

"Did you... dream something unusual last night?" he mumbles, his face getting its colour back. You try to remember your dream, but you don't, so you start to wonder what his point is. Then you remember. Oh god, you remember. You're pretty sure you're as red as a tomato right now, damn. So that's why you felt so joyful this morning, because of that dream? You really hope you didn't moan out loud, or anything like that last night, please, no. That dream is not something you would like others to know about, especially not Jake.

And what are you supposed to tell him? You can't tell him the truth, that's for sure. _'Oh, no, nothing special, just having an erotic sex dream about you that's all'_, no way. He's still waiting for an answer.

"Well, it was a kinda strange dream..." His expression doesn't change one bit. Still wide-eyed, with a red face.

"...You were in it..." His eyes grow wider and his face even more red.

"...You got lost in a forest and I called your name so that you could get back." Now that's probably the shittiest lie you've ever made up. Jake looks more relaxed, though. Satisfied, even.

"Oh, well I guess... that was pretty nice of you!" What. You raise one eye brow, asking for an explanation with only your expression. "I mean, helping me out, so I wouldn't have to be lost in that forest!" ...He actually believed it?

**== Be Jake**

You have no idea if you're supposed to believe that. You want to, but... Argh, this whole situation is so hard to handle! You don't want to hide the fact that you know about his secret crush, but it's probably the best if he tells you himself. But for now, you're going to pretend like you believe him about the dream, to avoid more awkward situations.

...Jesus, you can't hold it anymore, you need to talk to some one about this. As soon as Dirk disappears to take a shower, you pick up your phone, searching for Roxy's name in the contact list.

**golgothasTerror [GT]**** began pestering ****tipsyGnostalgic [TG]**

**GT: Alright! So I need help.**

**TG: jakeeey!**

**TG: wats troublin u?**

**GT: Well, i am in a quite... unusual situation, i believe.**

**TG: orly?**

**GT: Yes. there's someone i know, who i think is in love with me.**

**GT: And it's kind of awkward between the two of us now.**

**GT: I don't know what to do!**

**TG: omg **

**TG: has he told you?**

**GT: He?**

**GT: What makes you think it's a he!**

**GT: And what do you mean 'has he told you'?**

**TG: uhm**

**TG: cant anwser that one**

**TG: sry jake, gtg!**

**GT: What?  
GT: No no, Roxy, you made me even more confused.**

**GT: You gotta help me out!**

**tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]**

**GT: Uhg**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

**Notes:**_**A long time ago, Tellinpan had all the time in the world to continue her fanfic, but all that changed when the fire-nation attacked.**_**It has been ages since I last updated, and I am truly sorry for this and hope you guys can forgive me! I've had so much to do, believe it or not. Thank you for not unfollowing this fic anyway! Love you guys! Oh, and I wasn't actually going to write this chapter; it wasn't part of the 'plan'. But I figured that the story needed more details, so this is actually an extra chapter. **

**== Be Jake**

You believe him. Sort of. Things are getting confusing and you don't really know what to do. So... Dirk has feelings for you, you guess? And as for his dream... oh, who are you kidding. He didn't dream about you getting lost. He dreamed about you, all right, but... Oh my. You are just a little bit freaked out, but most of all confused. When you first suspected he had some sort of 'crush' on you, you really tried to think about it, trying to think of what to do, how _you_ feel. And, well, you were kind of flattered, but you've never thought of being together with another guy. You figured that there is nothing wrong with being homosexual, and that it might be... worth to try out some time. But you have never thought of trying it with _Dirk_.

He's your best bro, and has been for many years. To think that he might be in love with you sure is strange, but you are actually flattered. Flattered is a word that you find perfect for your situation and you have no intentions to stop using it. The question is; what will you do now? Will you talk to him bout it or will you wait for him to make the first move? He probably doesn't know that you know. You don't know exactly for how long he has felt that way about you, but you got the feeling it was a long time ago, since you accidentally (ahem) listened to him an Jane that morning. Too bad you weren't able to hear exactly how long.

So you guess you're gonna wait for him to make a move, talk to you about feelings or something. What if you hadn't known about his crush before he told you about it? Gosh, that would be awkward. Since you get more and more certain that Dirk will make some kind of 'move', you're very happy that you got to know that before he actually made it. You got time to think, and boy, you really needed to.

The sound of a door opening makes you snap back to reality. You tilt your head slightly, and give the clock on the wall a quick glance. You realize you've been spacing out for quite some time. This mattress is pretty comfy... Since you've fallen asleep quite late the latest nights, you're pretty tired. You close you eyes and sigh.

"Dude, you're in the same place I left you in." You open your eyes in surprise. "You're even in the same pose. You know you're allowed to move when I'm not watching, right?" Dirk is standing in the doorway with a small smirk. He's shirtless, a towel's hanging over his shoulders. Water is dripping from his wet hair. Not that he cares.

He has a few scars on his chest and on his arms. You guess it's from his sword practice.

"Yeah, I know. I was just... spacing out."

He glances at you while fumbling with a shirt. "No shit, man." You like his eyes. There's no point in hiding it. And the fact that you're the only one of his friends who have actually seen them makes you feel a little bit special. No wonder why, though. You guess he is pretty attractive. There was so many girls who turned to look your way when you were outside, and you're pretty sure they were looking at Dirk. A guy with wild, black hair, an overbite and glasses? You're pretty sure they weren't looking for someone that dorky-looking.

Just when you realize you're spacing out again, you get a jacket thrown in your face. You quickly sit up, looking at the doorway, where Dirk is standing again, this time wearing shades. He's buttoning his own jacket, looking at you with one raised eyebrow. You groan and place you head on the pillow again.

"No way man, I'm so freaking tired. I don't wanna go outside..." you whine, and just to top it all off; you pout. Dirk stops buttoning his jacket.

"Oh, well. I just thought, you know, that perhaps you'd like to rent a movie or something, buy some popcorn, soda - stuff like that. But if you wanna stay we can do that. Here I thought we could watch some movie that we haven't seen yet, but no. You don't want to do anyth-"

"Alright, alright! I get it!" You laugh and Dirk gives you one of his smirks. You put on your jacket with ease, and the two of you leave.

**== Be Dirk **

Seeing him turn from "spacing-out-neutral-slash-not-happy"-face to looking like a child in a candy shop; that's one of many reasons he is adorable. Looking at CD-cases with adventure-looking covers; it's like fucking Christmas for him. You told him to pick a _few_, but instead he's holding a bunch of maybe _seven_ movies.

"Dude, I can't pay for all of those."

Picking up another movie, he rolls his eyes.

"I know, I'm just picking out different options." Hesitantly, he puts back a few onto the shelf. "Which one?"

You sigh and lean back slightly to see all... one, two, three... five of them. You haven't heard of any of those movies. You guess you should choose one that looks adventurous, since he likes that, problem is; all of those are romance movies. Not exactly what you were expecting. You raise your eyebrows, looking at the movies, then at Jake.

"I thought you were gonna choose movies like Indiana Jones, or some else lame adventure-movie."

His gaze slowly drifts back to the CD-cases.

"Yeah... I don't know, I just don't feel like it right now." And then he looks back at you. "I hope that's okay?"

You're almost shocked that he asked. And the fact that he didn't choose an adventure movie. You're silent for a short moment.

"Of course it's okay, dude. Just a little surprise that none of those include adventures. You sure you're feeling alright?"

He chuckles and put all of them except one back.

"I'm fine! How about this one?" He holds up the CD-case and you take it, examining it. The cover doesn't reveal much about the movie, not the title either. Some lame name that's barely readable, thanks to the messy letters. You shrug. "Why not? Looks cheesy enough. Wanna hold hands and cuddle or something too? 'Feel the love in the air'?"

Jake laughs and punches you lightly on the arm. You can't help but smirk. Though, knowing that the two of you probably won't cuddle or hold hands ever, hurts a bit. But right now you don't care; you have a great feeling about tonight. Just spending time with Jake, doing something that he loves - that's wonderful.

You grab a bottle of soda, and a couple of bags with chips, pay for it and leave the shop to hurry back.

**== be Jake**

Knowing that Dirk likes you (though he doesn't know that you know), knowing that he probably will tell you about it, it's a bit awkward. And you have no idea when he will talk to you about it! Why you chose to watch romance movies instead of adventure movies? You're not sure! Maybe you subconsciously wanted to tell Dirk something, give him a hint. Uhg, you don't know, maybe it was stupid.

But here you are, just about to start watching the movie. There's two bowls of chips on the table, along with two glasses and the soda. While you're having a hard time understanding Dirk's TV remote, he goes off to find blankets. When no extra blankets are found, he takes the one he and you have in your beds. (Well, bed and mattress. Comfy mattress) The movie starts and both of you make it comfortable in the sofa. It's not that bad, the movie. It's not the happiest movie you've ever seen, but it's not sad. You flinch just a tiny bit in surprise when dirk yawns. You didn't notice at first, but his arm is resting right behind you on the backrest of the sofa. You don't know if he has done that on purpose, but without really wanting to, you 'respond' to it. You inch closer, adjusting your blanket as you do, so it won't look like you're actually moving closer to him on purpose.

You keep your eyes on the screen, but you can feel Dirk's gaze on you. Shit, why did you even do that? Why? Stupid idea, stupid, stupid, _stupid_ idea! For no reason you feel like an awful person all of a sudden. You don't know if you did the right thing or not, but then you do it again; inch closer.

Some time passes, and you're able to relax. At some points both of you are able to comment the actors, or the cheesy lines without making it awkward. Almost all the time there's people kissing, which is a bit awkward. But you chuckle and make a gesture with both of your arms towards the TV screen.

"See, this is why I'm more into Adventure! Romance works fine, but where's the action?" You glance at Dirk, and you see the corner of his mouth curl upwards.

"I believe your action is coming right up." he answers and points to the screen. And well, you could say it's some sort of action. The passionate kisses between the actors turn violent and while one of the characters tells the other to stop, he doesn't stop. And as the struggle continues, and the other fights back, you get uncomfortable for some reason. You wait for the next scene, because honestly; you don't like this. But you'll have to wait quite some time for it. You glance at Dirk. He's sitting like before, with a totally neutral expression.

"Christ, I felt like watching romance, not... rape-porn." You frown at the screen, and Dirk laughs.

"Well," he chuckles as he say it, "I'm guessing you're gonna stick to your adventures now?"

You smile back.

"Definitely."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

**Note: I really shouldn't be writing when I'm tired… it doesn't work out as well.**

The movie wasn't that bad, actually. But yeah, you'll stick to the adventure theme from now on. When the movie's over, both of you agree that the rest of chips needs to be eaten - it would be a shame if you didn't have a reason to buy more tomorrow. After all, tomorrow's your last day of the sleep-over. You'll need all the sweets you can get to make it the ultimate bro-night. That's what Dirk called it. Even if there's a few chips left later, none of you want it (you're completely stuffed!). You joke and pretend to be an old mother, trying to force-feed Dirk with the few remaining chips, and Dirk responds by pretends to be a grumpy kid.

Despite being high on sugar, you're both tired; it's almost 4:00 already. And it starts to rain too. Small drops of water start to trickle against the window. Dirk mentions that there's an incoming storm, but there's no need to care for that. You leave the bowls and the glasses on the table, too tired to take care of it. You can do that in the morning. When all the lights are out, you talk about important stuff. Important stuff like; how much do a guy working in a pizzeria earn? How old do penguins become? If Dirk and you were in a movie; what kind of characters would you be? Important stuff. But sooner or later, you fall asleep. Right in the middle of a conversation too, but that can't be helped.

It's dark. It's dark and you can't see anything. There's a faint light somewhere, but you can't reach it. Despite the darkness, you're quite comfortable. You have some kind of fuzzy feeling, not sure what it is, but you kind of like it. It's a warm feeling. The feeling of some one embracing you, and it feels safe. But slowly, it gets colder. You want to know why, but you can't figure it out. You don't understand why it's suddenly so cold. You get the same feeling of some one embracing you again; but this time it's uncomfortable. It doesn't feel safe like before, it feels more like a threat. You don't like it, and try to shove away whoever's holding you, but the more you struggle, the harder this some one holds you.

Whoever it is, you succeed to push him or her away, but as you free yourself from the tight grip, you lose your balance. You yelp as you fall, not able to grab something to prevent the fall. But you never hit the ground. Something's stopping you. Some one's stopping you. This some one saved you from falling, and for a second you're grateful, but that second doesn't last for long. The same ice-cold grip tightens around you again, and you punch and kick to get out of it. You're laying down now. Pinned down. Something cold is creeping it's way over you stomach, over your chest. You protest, telling it to stop, yelling 'no', but there's no respond. You squirm, trying to break free, but your hands are pinned down against the ground. You don't know what will happen and it terrifies you.

And there's hands. You didn't notice them before, but now you realize that they've been there all the time. You don't want this. _There's hands everywhere on your body. Cold fingers mixed with hot breath on your skin, over your stomach, over your chest. Touching you, holding you down. And you realize who it is. You can see the persons face, and it's... Dirk._

You shriek as you shoot up from the mattress. With terror in you eyes, you stare blindly into the darkness. The lights outside from the city are slightly visible through the curtains, making it easier to get used to the dark. It's raining heavier outside, the raindrops making clattering sounds against the window glass. You pant heavily, sweating. Just a dream. Shit, calm the fuck down, it was just a dream. You pull you knees to your chest, burying you face in the blanket, slightly rocking back and forth. How could you possibly dream something that horrible about _Dirk_. He's your best friend, he would never do that to you, never, why did you dream that, oh god you're such a terrible friend, _terrible_...

You jerk away as you feel something on your shoulder, right as thunder strikes outside. Dirk is sitting on his knees next to you, and god, you've never seen him look like that. His mouth is slightly open, eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide. You're afraid to move. You don't want to move. You see him holding his hand in mid-air, reached out towards you - his hand was that 'something' on your shoulder. You must have woken him up by making noises in your sleep or something. He was probably just trying to comfort you, and you jerked away. You feel like the shittiest friend of all times. Slowly, he reaches out to you again, placing his hand on your shoulder again.

You don't reject him this time, and as he starts to slightly massage your shoulder, you try to calm down. It seems like you can't stop panting, and to top it all off, you start to shake, quite violently too. You look down at your feet; not wanting to see Dirk's expression. He slowly stops massaging you, to put his arm around your shoulders instead. You let him, so he leaves it there, on your shoulders. It's comforting, and you can't help but to feel horrible inside. How could you dream about him like that? It's your fault, it's that movie's fault, it's... You suddenly let out a sob. You're tired, afraid, and you feel like the most terrible person ever right now, and you got to let it all out.

So you sob. Tears start to fall down and you cry. You can't stop it, but you wish you could. Your crying makes Dirk look even more worried, and you don't want to make him look like that, you don't. But you can't help it. He puts another arm around you and pulls you into a tight hug, rubbing your back.

"Shhhh. Bro, it's okay. It's over. Shhhhh..."

He's like a fucking angel coming to protect you from bad dreams, and you still can't stop blaming yourself for what you dreamed about. It's not like you can control dreams, but that fact doesn't make you feel less guilty. You lean onto him and bury your face in his chest, clutching his shirt with both hands. You keep shaking, not wanting to let go of him, ever. And you don't want him to let go either. The front of his shirt has become wet because of you and your fucking tears. You guess you'll have to apologize for that later.

The thunder keeps striking, but it slowly starts to move away. You keep your position; head resting against Dirk's chest, and his arms around you. You're not shaking anymore, and you're out of tears. God knows how long you've been sitting like that. Still rubbing your back, he's quiet, but still comforting you. Your grip on his shirt isn't as tight anymore, but you're still holding it - still wanting him close. A few moments later you're almost asleep, but as Dirk let out a sigh, you become aware of the fact that he'll probably leave you any second now. He needs to sleep as well.

He rubs your back again for a short moment, before he lets go of you and lean back to see your face. You grip his shirt tighter, looking up at him with tired eyes. He looks much calmer now, and you probably do too. As he tries to get up on his feet, you tug at his shirt. You feel so childish for doing that - you know he needs to sleep, but you don't want him to leave yet. You want to hold him just a little more. He sighs and tilts his head to get a better view of you face, hidden behind your dark hair. Grabbing one of your shoulders, he tries to make you lie down, but you won't allow him. As he tries to push you down, you push back, trying to keep your sitting position.

He looks at you with tired eyes, and without using any words, you can still understand him. His expression is one that says 'seriously, bro, you better fucking sleep because I'm not playing this game now'. You respond with a stubborn, but really tired, expression. And when you least expect it; he suddenly grabs your shoulder again, pushing you down on the mattress. You're still holding onto his shirt, though, so he can't get up on his feet. And then you get this crazy idea, but you don't think it's that crazy, actually. Right now it seems like the best idea. You move to the side of the mattress, making space between you and Dirk, who's still sitting down.

You tug on his shirt, hoping he gets the message. Despite looking tired, he looks at you with wide eyes, eyebrows high on his forehead. You nod tiredly and tug again. Hesitating, he moves closer to you, still sitting down. And then he gives you a questioning look, like he's asking for a permission; if it's really okay with you. You nod again, this time with more certainty. He carefully lies down next to you, adjusting the blanket so it lies over the two of you. You pull it higher up, so it's covering your shoulders. You're facing each other, without much space between you, and it doesn't take long before you fall asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Chapter 9_**

**Notes: Thinking about making a tumblr just for this fic... Would anybody be interested in that?**

The room was bright, lit up by the morning sun. You carefully open your eyes, slowly getting used to the light. Jake is in front of you, still asleep, looking as peaceful as an angel. No sign of having nightmares some hours ago. you wonder what really happened; what it was all about. You're never seen Jake that way, and it scared the hell out of you. All you want to do is protect him, but then he goes off to nightmare land makes it impossible for you to save him. ...God you love him. Why is it impossible for you to make him dream about good stuff instead of bad?

To be honest, when he didn't want to let you go of your shirt yesterday and ended up with you next to him; it didn't make you happy. Being so close, sleeping next to him, it sound like heaven to you, so why aren't you happy? Probably because you know he doesn't feel the same about it. It's not heaven to him. He's your heaven, but you won't ever be his, and that's what hurts. He needed you next to him because he was afraid. That's it.

Hesitating just a little bit, you move your arm closer to his face. You whisper his name a few times to make sure he's actually asleep, but when he's not responding, you lightly touch his cheek with your fingertips. His skin is warm and soft, and it makes you warm inside. He's not reacting to your touch, so you reach out further to gently place your palm on his cheek instead. You slowly move it upwards, to his temple, just to touch slightly touch his hair. His soft, black, hair. But when you examine his face, you can't help but mostly look at his lips. Your palm gently moves down, towards his jaw and chin. Without realizing it, you move your own face closer to his. You hesitate for a short second before carefully moving your thumb over his slightly parted lips.

You want to. You want to kiss him so badly, but you can't. It feels wrong. He will most probably wake up, too. Removing your hand from his face, you sigh. You get up, carefully not wake him up, and get dressed. You make coffee, and make space for breakfast on the kitchen table. He takes his time, but after a while Jake wakes up too and joins you. Both of you sip on the coffee in silence, lost in your own thoughts, until you break the silence.

"So..." you put the cup on the table and rest your chin in your palm. "Last night... what happened?"

He stops drinking, but keeps the cup in front of his mouth. "Well," he puts it on the table too, "I had a nightmare, obviously." He chuckles somewhat nervously while he says it. "It's not really something I'd like to talk about, but I'm okay."  
You give him a small smile and the two of you continue your breakfast.

But you wonder if he really is as fine as he says. He's spacing out most of the time, and he's not as cheerful when you play your daily game of Mario kart. You're almost certain it's because of the dream. It's afternoon, and he's still not like he usually is. When he disappears into the bathroom to take a shower, you're not hesitating to pick your phone up and text Roxy.

**timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]**

**TT:** Sup.  
**TG:** dick!  
**TG:** *dirk  
**TG:** wats on your mind todayy?  
**TT:** Jake as always.  
**TG:** as always  
**TG:** so hows it goin between the two of yuo?  
**TT:** I don't know, Roxy. We slept together, but not like some lovely couple in love.  
**TG:** WAT  
**TG:** you what?  
**TG:** don't you think youre rushin it a bit  
**TT:** Not like that.  
**TT:** He had a fucking nightmare and I had to sleep next to him so that he would be able to fall asleep.  
**TT:** And the nightmare is still a problem. He's spacing out and he's not himself today.  
**TT:** I don't know what to do.  
**TG:** woah what  
**TG:** it must have been one hell of a nihgtmare cuz jake doesn't seem liek the kind of person who woudl freak out cuz of anightmare?  
**TT:** Yep.

**TT:** And I need your help.  
**TG:** i guess u wanna make him jake again?  
**TT:** I want him to be happy and think about something else than whatever he dreamed of, yeah.  
**TG:** hmmmmm  
**TG:** i know yuo probably wouldnt think this is a great idea, but he needs...  
**TG:** dare i say it  
**TG:** alcohol!  
**TT:** I probably wouldn't think that's a great idea, no, but this time I believe it might work.  
**TG:** thats the sprit!  
**TG:** *spirit  
**TG:** so go buy some and make him happey again!  
**TG:** *go buy lots of it  
**TT:** I will.  
**TT:** Thanks, Roxy.  
**TG:** np  
**TG:** now hurry up and get drukn  
**TG:***drunk

**timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]**

You waited for him to get finished, which didn't take too long. He thought about the idea of buying alcohol, and agreed to it. 'Sounds like a good idea', or something like that.  
His mood lightened up slightly when you got outside; you guess he needed some fresh air too. You return the movie you watched yesterday and rent some other ones, adventure this time. On your way home, he seems a lot more cheerful. Maybe he doesn't need the liquor? But that doesn't stop you from drinking. The evening turns out to be great; games, movies and sweets all the way, plus alcohol.

You're watching the second movie for tonight, and you're not even paying attention. You're laughing and joking, and for once you're actually laughing for real; it's not just a chuckle, it's not a snicker, it's a real laugh. You're starting to calm down after the last joke, but you really can't stop. Even trying to drink is hard, since your chuckle won't stop. Jake puts down a can on the table and leans back in the sofa, sighing deeply.

"You know what would be awesome?" he point at you with a grin. "If I lived closer. Seriously. Living close to mother nature is good, but it gets lonely and I miss you guys! Bro-nights like these, too." Lifting up the can again, he takes a sip and glances towards the TV-screen. He's right. It would be perfect if he lived closer, it would be so much easier to hang out.  
"That would be really awesome," you answer.  
"Yes I know, right!" His face is flushed due to the alcohol, and he sputters when he talks. You might have gotten a bit drunk the first night when the girls were here too, but tonight you're doing it for real. It's okay to be, once in a while. Especially if you're having a bro-night with your best... friend. Friends. that's what you are. That's what you'll continue to be if you won't step up and show him that you want to be more than friends; more than bros. He'll go home tomorrow, and tonight is your bro night... You can't ruin your bro night, and tomorrow doesn't feel like a good day to 'confess'... Yeah, waiting seems like a good idea. Or you could just confess right now, because you're drunk, so it's okay? Nah, you'll wait. Like always. But enough of that; back to the alcohol.

**== Jake: Be drunk as hell**

Oh, gladly. You don't understand what's so fucking funny, but you almost can't stop laughing. Dirk is laughing too and it's making you even happier. Nothing feels real and yet you're feeling more alive than usual. Guess you're gonna get a serious hangover; but that doesn't stop you. 'Yolo' or whatever it's called... When you've finally calmed down and stopped laughing, you start to chuckle again when you realize that you don't even remember what movie you're watching. You just don't know anymore.

Some time passes, and you don't even care about the movie. Drinking, laughing, talking, that's all you're doing. The conversation gets more serious the more you talk. And you talk about everything. Everything and nothing. At some point you tried to start a conversation about sexualities, but Dirk didn't take much part of it. After a moment of silence and thinking, you're the one to break the silence.

"If I was together, like, together_together_with some one, it would be with you. Jus' so you know."  
You have no idea what you're saying, but what the fuck, you're too drunk to care. It's not like you've given it much thought, but if you were together with some one, it would probably be with Dirk. He's your best bro, and he knows you the best.

"Well," he starts, "if I was together with some one, it would be with you, Jake." He smiles, and you smile back. That's the answer you expected, and maybe even hoped for?

"That's cuz you like me, isn' it?" You can't read his expression, and it bothers you. If he only wasn't wearing those damn shades...  
"Cuz you do like me, don't ya?" Leaning closer as you say it, you reach out toward his face. He doesn't flinch or lean away from you, so you grab the shades. When no reaction or protest is given, you take them off, placing them on the table.

He doesn't answer your question, though. You're sitting closer to him now, and your smile is no longer there. Neither is his.

"Do you like me?" you mumble, voice low. For a moment he's avoiding eye-contact, but when he answers with a quiet and short "yes", his eyes are set on you. After that, you don't have anything else to say. For what feels like an eternity, you're just sitting there, looking at each other. Normally this kind of silence would perhaps feel awkward, but not this time. It's a silence you're enjoying, because nothing feels more important than looking into his amber eyes right now. What you don't realize, is that you're leaning closer to Dirk, and by the time you realize it, it's too late. There's no turning back, as it looks like he's intending to remove the few inches between the two of you.

You don't care, and in fact; you think you want to.

Yes, you want to.

As he's closing his eyes, and slightly tilts his head, you do the same. Your heart is beating furiously in your chest, and you can almost _hear_ your heartbeat. And then it stops. Time itself stops, or so it feels. His lips are on yours, yours are on his. A new eternity takes place, and there's nothing else than the two of you. But he pulls away. Dirk pulls away just an inch, eyes fixated on you. He looks at you with an expression that you can't read even now that he's not wearing shades, and it worries you.

"Is this real?" he asks, his voice barely whisper. You feel relieved, no longer worried that he, perhaps, regrets anything. If only you knew how happy he feels. If only you knew that this was one of the happiest moments of his life. You smile as you mumble your answer.

"It sure as hell is."

He smiles back, and before he gets to say anything else, your lips are on his again. Your glasses are pushed up on your forehead and then removed by him. He gives your lower lip a gentle suck, sending shivers down your spine. You slowly lift your hand towards his face, palming his cheek, but then move it to the back of his head, placing your hand behind his neck instead. Even with your lips against each other, he feels to far away. Greedily the two of you act with more roughness, trying to get more of each other.

You gasp as his tongue slide over your lips, and he takes the opportunity to push it into your mouth. You're not used to the sensation, but it doesn't feel _bad_. In fact, it feels very, very good. He moves his body closer to yours, and when you feel his hands on your shoulder, slowly pushing you back, you gladly lean down until your back is against the arm of the sofa. You break the kiss momentarily, so that Dirk is able to move into a more comfortable position. With you stretched out on the sofa, and with him over you; one leg on each side of your body, you're ready to continue. A hum of surprise escapes you as you feel his hands beneath your shirt.

Right in this moment, you don't have any second thoughts. You don't know what will happen, you don't know how to handle it afterwards. All you care about is him. There's just the two of you, and the heat. If your cheeks weren't already flushed before because of the alcohol, they certainly are now. Dirk's hands are exploring everywhere on your upper body, stroking your sides, touching your chest. Everything feels great. Everything he's doing feels perfect. Though there's something that disturbs you just a little bit.

You don't know exactly what it is, but you want that feeling to go away. And suddenly all you can think of is hands. Hands everywhere on your body, holding you down, awfully familiar and not comfortable. The heat is gone and... you're not feeling up to this.

"Stop," you mumble. You don't want him to stop, but something's just not right.

"Stop!" you say it again, louder this time. But the alcohol has made Dirk deaf, and he has no intentions of stopping. Not now. He makes a trail of wet kisses from your mouth, to your jaw, down your neck. That uncomfortable feeling is still there, haunting you. And you realize where it comes from. That dream; for some reason you start to think about it, and suddenly all you can feel is  
_hands everywhere on your body. Cold fingers mixed with hot breath on your skin, over your stomach, over your chest. Touching you, holding you down._

You react without thinking, and the next thing you know is your fist in Dirk's face. There's a loud thud as he lands on the floor. You sit up, breathing heavily. For a moment you're just looking at each other; you, with terror and confusion in your eyes, and Dirk, cupping his hurt cheek with one hand. He looks up at you with even more confusion, a gaze that asks what he has done wrong, but also a gaze that says _sorry_. You can't stand it. You don't know what to feel; if you're sorry, angry... You're just so confused and you feel like you've ruined everything. Even if you want to apologize, you just feel like running away.

Just sitting there doing nothing, not knowing what to do; you hate it. Dirk makes an attempt to get closer to you, perhaps sit down next to you - you don't know. But for some reason you get freaked out. You stand up and quickly walk towards the door, grabbing your jacket before leaving the apartment.

Left is Dirk, probably wondering what the hell he did, and you hate it. You feel like being mad at him, but most of all you're mad at yourself. You're standing right outside his door, trying to calm down. You have your jacket, so you might as well go outside, get some fresh air, collect your thoughts. And that's exactly what you do.

**= = Dirk: ?**

Well. At least now he knows you like him.

You face-palm with both hands as you lay down on the floor. How did this happen? You probably freaked him out, that's what happened. But he leaned closer to you, so he probably wanted to kiss you, right? On the other hand, he was drunk. He didn't reject you when you kissed though, and that kiss was, in the moment, probably the best thing that ever happened to you. The fact that he kissed back made it even better. But you took things too far, too fast.

You guess you thought you had free access to do whatever you wanted just because he didn't reject you at once, and because you were drunk. You still are. You're about to ask yourself where you did wrong, but then you remember how you didn't stop when he actually told you to. Once again you blame yourself for being an idiot. But you're gonna apologize. You're gonna find him, and you'll apologize.

Stumbling into the hallway, you' just about to pick up the car keys, but (believe it or not) you were thought not to drink and drive, so you're not going to. You don't have a thought about bringing your jacket, so you forget it.

Finding Jake and make everything go back to normal is all you want.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes: Thank you all so much for you comments, favorites and follows! It means so much to me. I'm sorry for the delay of this chapter. Enjoy! **

**Chapter 10**

Without any special place in mind, you keep walking. You hate to admit it, but you're completely lost. being drunk in a town that you don't visit very often doesn't have any benefits. At all. Why did you keep walking anyway? Fresh air and time to think was all you wanted. Now the only thing you can think of is how you're supposed to get back. What was the name of the street Dirk lives in? Gees. This probably the most stupid thing you've ever done. It would've been so much better if you would have stayed.

At least you and Dirk could talk about what had happened, at least you could have apologized; both of you. You punched him after all... And if you stayed, you would at least have your glasses. You just had to get out of there, with no thought of bringing your glasses. Dammit, you can't see a thing. Normally you can see quite a lot without them, but it's so dark now... The streets are filled with people. Shouting, laughing. Some are arguing, some of them are having the time of their lives. Most of them are probably drunk, too.

In one of the more quiet streets, there's a bench. Your feet are kind of tired (and cold), so you decide to rest for a short while. While observing people passing by, you're lost in your thoughts. You don't notice the girl who's coming closer to you. She's sneaking up on you, but since you're in your own little world, you don't think she has noticed you, sitting in the dark. You _do_ notice when she sits down next to you, but why would you care? You don't know her.

She takes a sip of the drink she's holding and looks at you. You look the other way.

"I guess things didn't go so well?"

Now that's a voice you recognize.

"Roxy?"

You turn your head in her direction. Now that she's not so far away, you can see more details, like her dark lips and bright hair.

"Damn right!" she answers, pointing at you with the hand she's holding her drink. You smile widely at her, happy to see a familiar face.

"You won't believe how happy I am to see you!" You're about to ask what she's doing there, but you guess the answer is kind o obvious. She's always been the party girl. Her, being out late and visiting clubs; not exactly news to you. "You see, Roxy, I'm kind of lost." you chuckle, and before you're about to continue, she yells;

"Lost? What're you even doin' out here, and-... honey, where's yo glasses?"

You're a bit surprised by her sudden outburst. You clear your throat before answering.

"Uh, it's a bit of a story actually. Some shit happened, aaand I ran off. Which was a very stupid thing to-"

She places a finger on your lips, cutting you off. You get a somewhat concerned look.

"What kind of shit happened?"

You lean away so that you can speak without her finger on you.

"Well," you clear your throat again, "we were both drunk, still are, and uh..."

"What did he do?"

"It's uh, he-"

"Should I punch him?"

Being cut off all the time would normally upset you just a tiny bit, but right now you're glad she's doing just that.

"No need to," you answer, "I kind of... already did that."

She looks at you with big, surprised eyes. Then a huge grin grows on her and she starts laughing. "Oh my god, you... Wait, you _what_?"

"I punched him!" you stutter with surprise.

"I heard ya the first time!" she's almost yelling at you. "You must've had a good reason to?"

You shrug lightly, looking down onto the ground. "Uh, well, yeah."

"Jake! Roxy?" some one is calling from down the street. That's also a voice you recognize.

You turn your head to see a dark figure coming towards you. Even without glasses, you can guess who it is. Dirk runs the rest of the distance between you. He stops in front of the bench, out of breath. Panting, he looks down on you, smiling for a short second, and then he's serious again, but he smiles one last time before returning to the serious face. Like he's not sure if he's happy he found you or not. Or maybe he doesn't know if_you're_ happy or not right now.

"Jesus christ I've been looking everywhere for you." The whole sentence comes out as a single word as he breathes out. "Do you know how fucking hard it is to run with a body full of alcohol? I nearly fell over three times, running like the devil himself was chasing me. I even scratched my arm against a brick wall, who even does that."

You're not even listening properly. You're just looking at him, a bit nervous because... well you both hurt each other, in your own ways. But you're happy to see him. Roxy's the one to snap you back to reality and make you listen.

"Will somebody tell me what the hell _happened_ at your place?" She's looking at Dirk with furrowed eyebrows, mouth half-opened. You're opening your mouth to say something, but it gets stuck in your throat. What are you gonna say anyway? 'We had sloppy make outs, Dirk didn't stop when I told him to and I fled the apartment'. Haha, no thanks. The ground is suddenly very interesting and you intend to stare it to avoid eye contact.

Dirk doesn't answer either at first. The three of you are just sitting there (except for Dirk who's still standing), keeping the silence alive. Until Dirk sighs lightly.

"I screwed up."  
You glance at Roxy to see how she's reacting to his words, but she looks more confused than anything else.

"Long story." You breathe out the words as you sigh. "In fact, uhm, Roxy, could you give us a moment? There's something we need to... sort out." She looks at you with surprise at first, but then she gives you this suspicious look, tilting her head slightly.

"Yeah, shoo her away, s'okay. I can stand over there in some dark corner and wait 'til yer done talkin'." And with that, she get to her feet. Turning her back against you, she starts to walk away.

"No, wait! I didn't mean to be rude. Here, you can have the bench, I'll just talk to Dirk for a short sec-"

"Dude, chill, Jakey! I was jokin' with ya. I'm gonna leave anyway. There's a sweet party just up the street.~" she waves at you both, giving you a wink before turning her back to you again. You're just about to open your mouth to say something to Dirk, but get interrupted by Roxy's voice, yelling "See ya!" from a distance away. A small smile appears on your lips for a short second, before facing Dirk again.

"...So..."  
You really hope he says something soon, because you don't have a fucking clue about what you're gonna say. Fortunately, you don't have to say anything yet. He runs his hand through his hair before murmuring, almost whispering;  
"I'm so sorry Jake." His voice is just a bit shaky when he says Jake's name.

That's when you feel like falling apart. He thinks it's his fault. Oh my God, he really thinks it's all his fault. It's yours and no one else's. You're the one who kissed him, you're the one who triggered it all. And then you just left. Great work.

"This is... No just-" you can't even form a simple sentence right."None of this is your fault, Dirk."

"But it is. And I'm so sorry, I swear I'll do anything to make things right again. You have every right to not wanting to see me again, just..." He gets quiet for a short moment, but you really don't want him to continue. You don't want to hear him apologizing, when you're the one who should apologize. But unfortunately, he continues.

"I... I'll pay for a hotel room." He... what?

"Wha- why would you do that?" you ask. You really don't understand what he means.

He looks at you, somewhat concerned, like he doesn't understand you either.  
"Well... I thought it might be... uncomfortable for you to stay at my place... you know." He stares at the ground with a tired, sad expression, one side of his face getting darker by the eye. You suddenly become aware of a slight pain in your knuckles in the hand you hit him with.

"Dirk, don't. Don't blame yourself for all of this. I won't need a hotel room. Your place is just fine. I shouldn't have run away and left you alone."

"Jake-"

"No. I'm fine with staying at your place. In fact, there's no place I'd rather be right now."

He looks at you with an expression you can't read. He's not sad. He's not concerned. Maybe a bit confused, but you're not sure. Then, for a short second, you think the corner of his mouth turned upwards in a faint smile. A silence is growing between the two of you. None of you have anything to say, and perhaps you don't need to. You don't think much before acting, you've proven that by punching your best friend in the face, but what you're about to do won't cause any harm. You walk up to him, and before he understands what you're about to do, you put your arms around him and hug him tightly.

He lets out a shaky chuckle before hugging you back. He's cold, and now you notice that he chased after you without a jacket. He's only wearing a T-shirt.

"Jesus, Dirk. We better get you home before you turn into ice."

You feel better now. You think both of you feel better now. About halfway to Dirk's apartment he asks if you're sure about not wanting a hotel room. He reminded you that he would pay for it if you didn't want to sleep at his place, but then it was your turn to remind him that you didn't want to spend the night at a hotel. The walk back was silent, but okay. No words needed.

Not only does he offer to pay for a hotel, but he also asks you if you'd like to sleep in the living room. You furrow your eyebrows and wonder why he'd ask that. As he scratches the back of his neck, he mumbles that maybe it would be uncomfortable for you to sleep in the same room as him, because of what he did. Or nearly did. But you tell him that you both made a mistake, not only him.

It almost hurts how he'd do anything to make you comfortable after something that wasn't entirely his fault. You almost want to slap him for being so caring. Compared to him, you feel like an awful human. But there's been enough hitting for tonight. You're making it comfortable on the mattress again; showing him that you want to sleep like you've done all week. You smile every now and then to show that you're totally okay with it. He gives you a faint smile back, but it's a smile that doesn't really reach his eyes.

You don't brush your teeth. You're both exhausted and you really couldn't care less about anything else than getting to sleep. The lights are turned off, and you lazily step towards your "nest" of sheets. You almost fall over your own bags in the dark while fumbling for the mattress. Soon after you've covered yourself with blankets and sheets, you're fast asleep.

You are awake.  
No special reason, no nightmare waking you up, but you're awake. You look around the room. It doesn't take long until your eyes are used to the dark. You shift a bit in your sheets, rolling over from one side of the mattress to the other. And then your eyes meet with Dirk's. Seems like he's also awake. You blink tiredly a couple of times, but you keep looking at each other.

"You still awake?" he asks quietly after a while, almost whispering.  
You shake your head, whispering; "No, I just... woke up for some reason. What time is it?"

He sighs and reaches for something on his nightstand, probably his cellphone. But then you hear something fall to the floor, and Dirk sighing "fuck". You lift your head from the pillow slightly to look after whatever he dropped, but it's too dark.

"Never mind, you don't need to check" you chuckle.

"Did you wake up too?" you ask, adjusting your pillow slightly so your head lies more comfortably.

But Dirk remains quiet. He shifts a bit in his sheets, and doesn't say anything. You look at him with surprise, and concern.

"Dirk?"

He chuckles quietly. "Nah, I just haven't been able to fall asleep."

You're both quiet for a short while, until you break the silence. "Dirk... are you still thinking about that?"

"What do you mean 'that'?" he asks, but it sounds more like a statement.

"You know..._that_."

And then silence again. You slowly move into a sitting position on the mattress, tilting you head slightly as you watch Dirk. He avoids eye contact and rolls over onto his back instead of his side, staring at the ceiling.

You sigh quietly. "Don't think about it. Pretend it never happened."

"I can't." His voice cracks just a bit.

"Dirk..."

"Jake, I could've hurt you."

"I know you'd never do that intentionally."

You both raise your voices.  
"I almost raped you!"

"But you didn't!"

He closes his eyes and sighs shakily, and whispers; "I made a mistake." You carefully move closer to his bed.

"Me too. Everybody does. But I forgive you." You're on your knees next to his bed by now, with your hands on the edge of his mattress. He's still trying to avoid eye contact, and now that you're closer to him, he turns his face towards the wall.

"Will you move over?" you ask softly after a short moment of silence.

"What?" His voice is shaky even when he's whispering. You repeat you question.

"Will you move over?"

He doesn't move over, until you poke the back of his head, as if asking him the same question again. He lets out another sigh before moving closer to the wall, making space for you on the bed. You turn around to pick up the blanket and pillow lying on the mattress, then kind of crawls up on his bed with lazy movements.

While you're shifting to lie more comfortably, he turns his body towards you. You make eye contact, but it doesn't last for very long. You're tired, and you can't help but to close your eyes. After just a moment you hear him whisper;  
"I'm sorry, Jake."

You keep your eyes closed while answering. "It's okay, Dirk. It's okay..."

And it gets quiet again, until you hear a sniffle. It's not loud; you can hear how hard he's trying to suppress it.

You open your eyes slightly.

"Hey..." you whisper.

"I just..." He quiet again, but you wait patiently for him to continue his sentence. "I just don't understand how you can forgive me so easily." His voice is shaky again. You hate to hear him like that.

You hush while pulling your blanket closer to yourself, and also trying to cover Dirk with some it. It takes a while before he moves again, like he's not sure what to do. But he relaxes, and pulls your blanket closer to himself. You smile and open an eye slightly to peek on him. His eyes are half-closed.

You slowly move you head closer to his, until you fore heads carefully bump into each other. You can hear his breathing. It's calm.

You close your eyes.

And fall asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes: Yet another late chapter. I'm truly sorry for my very late updates. I've had a terrible writer's block for a very long time now, but I'm very happy to see that I've gained some new followers anyway! Thank you all.**

**More notes: Changing the fic's name to "Just Three Words", since "It's just three words (so why can't I tell you)" is quite a long title... yeah**

**== Dirk: wake up**

You're the first one to wake up.  
First you're just laying there, not wanting to open your eyes. Memories from yesterday are starting to come back, and if it wasn't for a certain headache, you'd feel pretty fine. Happy, even. There's something heavy on your arm. You can feel Jake's calm breathing tickle against your bicep, and you just assume that the 'heavy thing' is his head resting on your arm. For a short while you wonder if you managed to place your arm there in your sleep or if you were simply too tired to remember doing it while actually being awake. But there's more important things to think about. Like, are you gonna get up and maybe make breakfast, or stay here in bed with Jake.

In bed. With Jake. It strikes you that you are actually laying in bed with Jake. You open your eyes and focus on the black-haired young man next to you in shock. It also strikes you that you don't remember much from yesterday. You remember the movie night (and what happened during one of the movies...), you also remember chasing after him but after that... You were too tired and affected by too much alcohol. By now you're starting to freak out because what if you had, well, _sex_, but you don't remember it and _oh god_.

Another second or so in panic. And then you calm down. Your memories have recovered and you sigh in relief.  
...You need to calm down and have some breakfast. Coffee sounds nice. But you think you'll wait. No need to rush it. You're perfectly fine with lying here for another moment.

You've almost fallen asleep again when you hear a sigh and Jake shifting in the sheets. You open your eyes just to instantly look into his forest-green ones. He smiles one of his dorky smiles and you can't help but to smile back a little.  
"I didn't wake you up just now, did I?" he asks tiredly. You shake your head.  
"No no, I've been awake for a little while."  
"Oh?" He blinked slowly couple of times, still looking very tired. You smile softly at him.  
"I didn't want to wake you up, so I thought I'd stay."  
"You really didn't need to stay just for that."  
"I was too tired to get up anyway."

You almost said something like 'I'd rather stay in bed with you', but you figured it's better not to. Not now.  
He hums in response, closing his eyes. You chuckle lightly. You wait a few moments more, not sure if you should get up or not, maybe make breakfast. After a while you figure that you probably should. You support your upper body with your arm in an attempt to get up, but Jake is stopping you. He's got a grip around your wrist, looking at you with one eye open.  
He doesn't say anything, but you get the message. You sigh quietly.

"I thought I could make us some breakfast."

His eyes are closed now but he won't let go. You tilt your head.  
"Do you want coffee?"  
He nods lightly, humming. You wait. He still won't let you go.  
"Jake."  
He gives you a short hum again.  
"...Will you let go of me? I can't make breakfast from here."

He grunts but let go of your wrist. While he shifts in his sheets, you do your best to get out of bed without hurting him - you almost have to crawl over him to get out. He moves away just a bit to give you space enough to sit on the edge of the bed next to him. You rub you eyelids and sigh.

You reach out for your pants, just about to get on your feet and head for the kitchen, but you don't. Instead, you turn your head in Jake's direction. You should get up. Walk away. You don't. Instead you place a hand on the other side of the bed, leaning over Jake slightly. Fuck, you can't help it when he looks like that. How many times haven't you fantasied about waking up next to him? You lean down closer and closer and you almost stop. You_almost_stop yourself, get up and walk away. You don't stop.

You plant a small kiss on his forehead, but afraid of his reaction, you quickly get up and avoid eye contact. But just when you're about to walk out the door you hear your name. You stop without turning around. You hear it again.

"Dirk..."  
Shit. Why did you have to do that. He most certainly didn't like that. You turn around slightly, facing him. He's... he's smiling. He's actually smiling at you. You're just a bit confused. You kissed his forehead like a total creep and yet he smiles at you. You look down on the floor, but make eye contact again. You respond with a faint smile, and Jake's smile grows wider as you do.

He didn't mind. You kissed him but he didn't mind.

You're heading for the kitchen again, smiling wider.

**==Jake: Start a conversation maybe?**

You'd love to. But is there anything to talk about? You're not thinking about anything, nothing's going on in your mind. Dirk is quiet too. He's spacing out while holding a cup of coffee in mid-air. He probably forgot that he's even holding the cup. Your glasses are on the table along with Dirk's shades. You don't remember picking them up last night after the movie. Maybe Dirk did after leaving bed?

"Do you want to talk about it?" you ask without thinking much about what you're saying.

Dirk glances at you without moving. He finally realizes that he's still holding the cup, and takes a small sip. The coffee's cold by now, and he frowns before putting it on the table again. He swallows.

"What is there to talk about?" It sounds more like a statement when he says it. You're glad that he automatically knows that you're talking about what happened yesterday. You don't really know what to answer him though? Maybe there isn't anything to talk about anyway.

He's got a black eye. It was there earlier too, you just didn't think about it. You don't have to think very much about it before you realize that you're the one who gave it to him. When you... punched him. While he's staring at the table in silence again, you reach out your hand towards his face. He suddenly notices how close your hand is and flinches just a little bit in surprise. You stop, but as he doesn't do anything to stop you, you reach out further. Your fingertips brushes against his skin, and he flinches again, but not as much this time. You move your hand over his black eye and he hisses.

"Sorry" you murmur as you lean back again.

"No it's okay"

You don't think it's okay though. You fucking punched him in the face. He might keep telling you that he's the one who provoked you into punching him, but that won't make you feel less guilty. It just doesn't work that way for you.

You barely speak to each other for the rest of the day. Well, half of the day, since you return home later in the afternoon. You pack your bags in silence. Dirk gives you a ride to the railway station and waits for the train with you. It's not that far to your house, actually. But you still have to take the train.

You hug him, asking if he'd like to talk on skype later that evening or if he'd feel up for it tomorrow. He says that it wouldn't be any trouble talking tonight. As you go to find your seat on the train, he yells after you to "say hello to your cousin from me". You smile at him and nod, before you walk onto the train. You wave at him through the window as the train slowly starts to leave, and he smiles back. It's a small smile, but you're happy that he can smile at you even after all that's happened.

You lean back in your seat, and watch as the city soon becomes fields and forests instead of high buildings and factories. You send a quick message to Jade, telling her that you'll be home in about half an hour, and also that Dirk says hi.

Then you fall asleep.


End file.
